I didn't write a post this month for Military Spouse Appreciation Day (though I invite you to check out last year's post), but I do not want to let Military Appreciation Month go by without sharing some of my thoughts on this military life that we share with so many. This year, I want to offer a few thoughts on Memorial Day as it rapidly approaches.
Earlier today on social media I shared a piece from another blog entitled To My Civilian Friends on Memorial Day. The gist of the piece was that, as I think we all know, Memorial Day is not really about parties or barbeques or kicking off the summer. I especially liked the tip in it to have the festive party that you have planned, but to remember to set an extra place at your table and leave it empty for the service member who didn't make it home. The piece also stressed that people need to "stop tagging every veteran you know on Facebook and wishing them a 'Happy Memorial Day.'" While I agree with that statement as a whole (and with the fact that many confuse Memorial Day and Veterans Day), I don't think there's anything wrong with reaching out to (or tagging) the veterans you know this weekend. But thinking about what you should say inspired me to write tonight.
As a military spouse, Memorial Day brings to the surface thoughts and emotions that are difficult and overwhelming and always there, just under the surface most days. I am lucky - beyond lucky - that for the 5 years of our marriage and the 15 years that he has given so far to our nation's Armed Forces, my husband has always come home. But I know that it didn't have to be that way. On any one of a number of days, in any one of a number of situations, he could have been the one who didn't make it home. He has had friends and classmates who didn't make it home. He goes to work every day knowing that he and his colleagues do a job where making it home is no guarantee. What must Memorial Day mean to him? Truly, in my view, he lives his life every day in a way that honors the fallen and the ones they left behind. He will honor them on Memorial Day, of course, but he will do so again on Tuesday when he returns to work. And again every day after that.
Yesterday, on a public Facebook page, I saw a post from a woman who was saddened that she would not be able to see the flag placed at her husband's grave marker in Arlington National Cemetery this weekend and get a photo of it. She has plans to visit soon, but the flags are removed immediately after Memorial Day each year. Her husband - a Vietnam veteran - died last year, and this is his first Memorial Day resting in Arlington. So, today my husband and I took our daughter to Arlington to see the flags, and we spent our afternoon finding this man's grave to take photos for his wife. The section of the cemetery where he lies was at the opposite side from where we parked and entered. So, we had to walk all the way across the cemetery - beautiful, solemn, inspiring and heartbreaking. Then I read name after name after name as I looked for this stranger's husband. Name after name after name. There are not words adequate to describe the flood of emotions, and though I will post some photos that I took today here, be assured that they utterly fail to capture the vastness of the place, the beauty of the day, and the enormity of the sacrifices. |
| My daughter and me last year |
I am the daughter and the niece of Vietnam veterans, and I wonder without really wanting to know how many names on the Vietnam Memorial and how many markers in Arlington National Cemetery are the friends, colleagues, and brothers in arms of my father and my uncle. To how many of them might they owe their lives? How many of their lives might they have tried to save? What must Memorial Day mean to them? I am lucky - beyond lucky - that my father and my uncle, years before my birth, came home. But so many did not. They are not strangers. They are not nameless "fallen heroes". They are the real life Soldiers and Marines who trained, who ate, who slept, who dreamed, who laughed, who cried, who fought next to my family. They are children and parents and spouses and friends who left behind loved ones who undoubtedly feel the void every single day.
So on Memorial Day, let us not wish our Veterans a "happy Memorial Day." Let us instead think in a real, concrete, meaningful way, of the friends, the confidantes, the brothers and sisters who did not come home with them. Let us appreciate deeply the fact that our Veterans were willing to risk, for all of us and for the country we call home, that they too might not come home. Let us appreciate that our active duty service members willingly take on that risk every day - that even as we enjoy a day off work with our friends and family, there are service members this very moment in harm's way; and they are there willingly, ready to make whatever sacrifice is asked of them in the name of honor, duty, and freedom. Let us remember the service members lost just in recent days - in Nepal, in Hawaii, in New Mexico. What must this weekend mean to their families and loved ones? Taking all of this under serious consideration, I doubt sincerely that "happy Memorial Day" would be the words that came out of anyone's mouth. I would encourage you to say whatever is in your heart to the Veterans in your life, and if that is only "thank you," that is enough. Today I knelt at a Vietnam veteran's grave and said, "thank you, sir; your wife will be here soon." And it was enough.
This weekend my family will appreciate the fact that we are together this year. We will give thanks, as I do every single day, that my husband has always come home to us, and we will pray that he always does. And we will set an extra place and pour an extra drink in honor and in remembrance of those who did not come home - who made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. Today I looked out at a veritable sea of white grave markers and American flags, and I stood, as I do every day, indebted to and in awe of our fallen heroes. Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend with your friends and family, but do so in honor of them.
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